Stickers you didn’t ask for.

Vinyl bumper stickers. Deadpan slogans. Strangers invent the rest. Buy one for yourself. Or for a bumper that won’t see it coming.

Shop the Launch 16

Get a 3-pack

Singles $18.99 · 3-packs $29.99 · Free US shipping

Car rear bumper with a sticker that says Please don't read this.

Actual size: about 15″ x 3.75″

Please don’t read this. ✱ Don’t think about this bumper sticker. ✱ I used to play basketball. ✱ Please do not make eye contact with the driver. ✱ Honk at me, I’m desperate for attention. ✱ Kevin Costner. ✱ My giraffe prefers cornflakes. ✱ Down with bad things. ✱ Please help, I’m stuck in a paradox. ✱ There’s nothing wrong with eating paint chips. ✱ Information on a car. ✱ Don’t ask me about the smell. ✱ My other ride is a giraffe. ✱ I do not have halitosis. ✱ If you don’t know how to read, then you have no idea what this says. ✱ Animals shit. ✱ Please don’t read this. ✱ Don’t think about this bumper sticker. ✱ I used to play basketball. ✱ Please do not make eye contact with the driver. ✱ Honk at me, I’m desperate for attention. ✱ Kevin Costner. ✱ My giraffe prefers cornflakes. ✱ Down with bad things. ✱ Please help, I’m stuck in a paradox. ✱ There’s nothing wrong with eating paint chips. ✱ Information on a car. ✱ Don’t ask me about the smell. ✱ My other ride is a giraffe. ✱ I do not have halitosis. ✱ If you don’t know how to read, then you have no idea what this says. ✱ Animals shit. ✱

The Launch 16

Sixteen deadpan stickers. Same clean look. No logos. No clipart. Just the line.

3-pack · $29.99

Can’t pick one? Don’t.

Grab any three. One car, or three friends.

Build a 3-pack. $29.99.

Free US shipping.

Three bumper stickers stacked: Down with bad things. Kevin Costner. Please don't read this.

How the surprise works

Pick a slogan, or three.
We print it. Thick vinyl, made when you order. Nothing sitting on a shelf.
It shows up. Stick it on your bumper, or someone else’s if that’s the kind of friend you are.

We sell stickers. Putting one on property you don’t own or control can be illegal. That’s on you.

Why it hits

Most bumper stickers yell politics or brands. These just sit there.

People invent lore. That’s the product.

FAQ

Short answers. The stickers are longer.

Do you ship outside the US?

US orders ship free on launch pricing. Other countries: shipping calculated at checkout when international is enabled.

How long does shipping take?

Print-on-demand. We make it when you order, then it ships. Timing depends on the printer and carrier. You get tracking when it ships. Checkout shows the current estimate.

What size is it?

About 15″ x 3.75″. Bumper-shaped. White vinyl, bold black type. No logos on the face.

Will it damage paint?

Vinyl bumper sticker. Clean dry surface. Apply carefully. We don’t warrant paint or finish. Removal is your risk.

Can I return it?

Print-on-demand. Change of mind: no. Damaged, defective, or wrong: use the Contact form within 14 days of delivery with your order number and photos. We reprint or refund. Once it is stuck on, it is not returnable except for a proven manufacturing defect.

Is this a gift?

It can be. The joke lands best when the car (and the consent) are yours to mess with. We sell stickers. We don’t run the prank for you.

Will more slogans drop?

Yes. The Launch 16 is the opening set. Worse ideas are already in the dump.

The car doesn’t get a vote.

Shop the Launch 16

$18.99 single · $29.99 3-pack · Free US shipping